So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
