whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
