the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
