I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
