I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
