Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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