i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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