We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
