what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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