i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
