I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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