Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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