the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
