you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
