I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
