Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
