I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize