hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
