running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Watching her eat just hurts me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
