It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
