i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
