and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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