i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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