if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
