I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
