I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
