so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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