No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
