Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
