That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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