Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
