If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
