WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
