What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
