The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
