Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
