I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
