2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
