so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
