This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
