well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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