Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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