my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
