still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
