Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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