Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize