So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
