her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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