This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
