living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
