They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
