We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize