i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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