I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
