Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
