eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I want is dick and wine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
