last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize