When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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