Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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