I love black thongs
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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