just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
