My hair reeks of homosexuality.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
