I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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