My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
