Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
