I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
