Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
