Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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