i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize