I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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