she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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