If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
