just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
