Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
