Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
