The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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