Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need moral support for this bender
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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