Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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