I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
