Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
