I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
