dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
