I can text with my tongue
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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