Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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