I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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