$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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