I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
