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Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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