R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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