you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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