well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
