My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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