what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
