Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
