Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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