I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize